(Slahaldeen Rasheed/Reuters)
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Not too long ago, I attended a vets reunion. The first one in quite a while. I'm actually a life member of a couple of veteran organizations but am not a good member. The thing that has made me resistant is the association with "professional veterans."- kind of like, "professional Christians."
I will have to admit, however, that I came away from this vets reunion with an entirely different attitude. I'm shaping myself up.
Walking down a hallway, I passed scores of vets; and, in most of the conversations, were the war stories. I was amused because the night before I spent an entire evening with a Vietvet buddy telling war stories.
When I was in Korea last in 86' and 87', soldiers would tell their war stories to one another since no other civilians around wanted to hear them, but we limited ourselves to no more than three stories so we wouldn't get "too carried away." We also had a scorekeeper to make sure three was the limit.
(AFP/Wisam Sami)
| Think about it. Non-vets don't want to hear about our war stories. Some non-vets feel guilty in not serving, others have no interest, and some of it is just the way our society has developed meaning our military is a subculture all to itself.
My war storytelling buddy at the reunion was wounded after about three months in Nam. He was a super guy and loved the military and a really good leader; he was airborne and a ranger. He loves to talk about his experience in ranger school(i.e., what it means to have gotten his ranger tab), his men in Vietnam, how he saw the mission, the operations, and the comradery among soldiers. His greatest regret was not keeping up with his troops; and, in many ways, he is almost typical of most Vietnam vets who have had difficulties figuring it out.
It looked like he was on the path. He became a doctor; and, then inexplicably by his own admission, he made a series of bad choices. During all of this "figuring it out or lack thereof," Vietnam never became a focus. Then one day, the traveling Vietnam wall came to his town. As he stood before the wall, looking at the names of the soldiers lost in his platoon, he suddenly began to weep and sob uncontrollably. Finally, he knew. It was the unfinished business of Vietnam.
I think what happens is that most Vietnam vets have a kind of "dark night of the soul"
which is called Vietnam. They don't deal with it, they don't know how. Their loved ones don't know how to help them. At first, the family is pretty tolerant about the whole thing and then it wears old and so the vet lets it slide. Unfortunately, it comes out in work, family life, and manifests itsself as anger, hurt, and depression with a thousand and one emotions. In the course of time, many vets simply go on in denial or "lose it" in various ways.
I’m not sure that the "dark night of the soul" ever truly gets healed. How can the soul heal from memories of the killings and traumatized experiences, the thoughts of regrets, constantly being on the edge, and, even on occasion, longing for that simple and intense time of war. JHL
This article was originally written March 18, 2003. With many iraq war vets are suffering from symptons of PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and consequently dealing with their own "dark night of the soul."
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